I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
