Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
