Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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