I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Shame is for Republicans.
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