im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
