i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
