I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Come on in and take your pants off
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