i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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