Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
