bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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