i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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