I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
