dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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