tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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