i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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