Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
