I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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