i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
