It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
no you cant smoke seaweed
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
