So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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