Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
