If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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