im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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