so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
dude. I can hear the air.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
