my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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