just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
