you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
