You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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