I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
