Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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