When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
