PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
