I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
