go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
