Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
