The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
