I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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