Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
