You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
