Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
