After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
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