It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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