I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
