She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
