uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
