go do what you do best...puke behind churches
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
