birth control should be required to get into college
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
