i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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