i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
