you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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