READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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