The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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