wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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