it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you made out with another girl for some wings
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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