My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
