Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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