Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
