Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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