I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
