Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I bet he comes in French.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize