Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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