WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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