I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
