So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
im six kinds of drunk right now
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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